Trouble with Change
We moved to this spot in Woodbine, Georgia on January 31st. We are in an end spot, number One actually. Next to us are three spots that are pretty much reserved for folks staying overnight. I think Vivian and her husband were here for two weeks but that was the longest. So we have quite the revolving door of neighbors or no neighbors at all. Behind us is a dirt road and on the other side of the road WAS a field of pine trees. I took this sunset photo our first month never realizing how fleeting this view would be.
Sunset
The first weekend in March I stayed Sunday – Tuesday at Daniel and Madison’s and hung out with Sterling while they took a little weekend getaway. Gary tells me on a phone call on Monday that tractors and trucks have moved in and begun taking trees down.
We had seen the tree removal happen down the dirt road from us. It didn’t affect us so we didn’t pay much attention. I did stop one day to observe the efficient tractor that drives up to a tree, wraps the end apparatus around the trunk and then proceeds to cut the entire tree down in seconds. It’s wild to watch.
By the time I got home Tuesday at dinner time, the entire landscape had changed. I was heartbroken.
The desolation process.
I am terrible at spatial estimates, I don’t know how large this plot is in acreage or square footage. I can tell you it is about the size of a large Walmart parking lot.
For close to two weeks there was all types of truck traffic – tree removal equipment, giant woodchippers that ate up trees and branches and loaded 18 wheelers with mulch in less a matter of an hour, an lastly logging trucks that took out whole trees.
They stripped the land bare.
The tree line once came within three feet of the dirt road.
Can I just tell you, I really struggled with this. Like I was sad. We lost our afternoon shade. We can now see Interstate 95, the lights from the Circle K right off the exit are SO bright, the noise travels night and day.
I finally said to Gary, why am I so sad about this? Then I realized I had an issue with change. Well, now I had to talk that out. I mean, really, I have a problem with change?? We just sold our house, one of our cars and gave away three quarters of all we owned… I don’t have a problem with change!!!
So, I am good with change that I initiate but not change that is thrust upon me? Hmmm, that sounds like a control issue to me.
This is not new territory for me. Ask my kids. They called me “control-freak-itice”. I may have been called “Hitler”. Granted, some of it was called parenting! But yes, I had a problem with control. Years ago the Lord showed me not pretty stuff about myself and we walked it out together. Turns out the root of control is fear. Now that’s an ugly word. But truth isn’t always pretty.
Definition from the internet. merriam-webster.com
Definition from the internet. merriam-webster.com
News flash – we are not in control! Honestly, about the only thing I have control over is me and my reaction to things I cannot control.
For me, it was a journey of faith, trusting in the Lord and surrendering.
I don’t know what this looks like for you. Maybe you have zero issue with control or fear. Maybe you embrace every change that comes your way with a yeeHaw and a Hallelujah.
I just wanted to have a conversation, confess some of my struggles, and let you know if you struggle, you are not alone.
I would love to hear from you. Drop me an email and tell me where you are succeeding or failing with change!
I love you deeply. Please let me know how I can be praying for you. ♥